The Advice from My Father Which Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"I think I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the reality quickly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The direct words "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers face.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader reluctance to communicate between men, who continue to internalise harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a break - taking a few days away, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a friend, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - looking after yourself is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they faced their issues, transformed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, on occasion I think my role is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."